The Collins dictionary defines the act of ‘judging’ as being critical or discerning of someone or something. In all situations, judging does not always come out from a negative approach, though unfortunately it usually does. Sometimes we judge strangers in an effort to try to discern them and decode things about them, other times though we judge people on the basis of their opinions and perceptions that may vary from ours or when we feel threatened and sidelined by them.
The last two if noticed carefully are associated with negative perspective and emotions. If you ask a colleague for a certain favour and they aren’t able to provide it in time, it is highly likely that you will end up labeling them as tardy or selfish or both. But before doing their full blown character analysis, did you stop for a moment and think that there could’ve been something unexpected or urgent that ended up with them not being able to deliver their commitment on time? Some problem that arose and rendered them incapable of doing what you had asked them to?
Or hey how about that person you met recently at a party? Didn’t they seem to be everything you think is lacking in your own self? Didn’t they leave everyone gawking and gaping at them in wonder? They seemed to have it all perfectly under control, they seemed like perfection personified. Of course they’d most definitely be arrogant and insensitive, you concluded. But did you actually talk to them to find out more about them?
This kind of thing happens with all of us almost all the time. Just change the person in question to anyone else- your friend, spouse, sibling, coworker and they’re doing something you don’t really like or appreciate. Add to that the fact that you don’t really give them enough credit to once assess their situation without any preconceived notions.
More often than not when we form such perceptions about others and judge them, we truly are judging our own selves and what we perceive to be our own deficiencies. In most occurrences, this judgement comes from a place of low self- confidence, self- esteem and self- acceptance.
This ability to judge others is an intrinsic part of being human. It isn’t something that can stopped at whim because of the way we are wired. But awareness is the key. Being aware of our thoughts when we are about to come to conclusions and label a person as something can go a long way. Checking ourselves at the right moment can definitely help us in improving and being a better person. It’s important to realize and accept that it’s not necessary that just because someone has certain qualities they will be a certain way. What we can learn is that our judgements have only to do with us and not the person we’re judging and the same holds true for when someone judges us.
The solution is a tad bit harder than it seems in writing. Hard to implement initially but completely possible. All we need to do is come to terms with who we are. We may not be the best according to others’ standards, but we need to know that we are the best we can be today. We need to embrace ourselves, with all our achievements and all our shortcomings.
And most importantly we need to be kind to others as well. We’re not aware of what the person we’ve passed crude judgments about is going through in life, so it’s essential to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that we are all more alike than different. The most common bond between us humans is the experience of pain, of struggle. It unites us- though it is invisible, it is uncannily tangible and encompassing. Each one’s suffering is all consuming, though we may feel ours is the worst.
If we treat our own selves with love and acceptance would we still be judgmental and condemn others? Probably not. We would for no reason require to put anyone else down only to raise ourselves up. If we could learn to be comfortable in our own skin and love who we are, we would make our world better, a much more compassionate and less judgmental place for all of us.
I’d like to end this piece by quoting The Dalai Lama, who says, “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.”
All the best! And have a positive day ahead.
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